The title of this blog is, "When I think of him I shake my head in disgust"

I feel like I need to get a few things off of my chest. Hooray for you, you get to listen!!! Yay....

First let me start out by saying that this might sound very much like a crazy lunatic rambling on and on, but do not worry, I am not insane, I just have a lot I need to get off my chest, and some of it has been pent up for years.

These last few months have been very strenuous on me. It's not because I'm busy doing important things, but I have been having constant debates in my head. So we all know I was seeing this guy, and I thought he was amazing, and blah blah blah, and I'm super into him, more than anyone I've ever known, and he's into me, and then **POOF!!!** One day he decides he doesn't like me as much as he thought he did. Now, I was told a few reasons why, but nothing actually made too much sense to me. Not the point though. At this point his reason could be that he can't stand Hello Kitty, and my love for her was too much for him to handle. He didn't want to share me with Kitty. So, the thing that I really just can't wrap my brain around is how he just stopped caring so quickly. One day I'm the best thing since sliced bread, and the next day you're doing the Atkins diet. That is driving me bonkers! Like, I think about it and it pisses me off. I've had a few "theories" presented to me on how this can occur, but they have yet to make sense to me either. Probably because they came from men. They never make sense.

Continuing on this topic, for those of you who don't know, the real "reason" for the dumping, it was that I am not "Mormon enough." Because of this reason, from now on I will reference the gentleman I am referring to as "Mr. Perfect." (wow, I just quoted like crazy there!) What I want to know is where does Mr. Perfect get off with this? Of course I'm not Mormon enough! Have you met me? It's not like I kept any secrets from him about anything. Jeez...

Look, I know that I am not perfect, I know that I do things a little differently, but that doesn't change my belief in my faith. I have my own road to follow to get where I need to be. I'll get there, I'm just slow.

With that being said, I don't understand how anyone can decide that someone else does not have enough love or devotion to something they believe in. If Mr. Perfect and I read from the same book, then we both believe in the same thing. The difference in my eyes is this; I've been down the other road, and I still chose to say that this is the truth, this is what I need to follow. He has not. He has done everything he was ever told he needed to do. So how does he really know that his is what he wants? If I told you that chocolate ice cream is the best flavor in the world and nothing else compares, you could eat that the rest of your life and not even bother with the other flavors. But how do you really know for yourself? Everyone has their own personal bumps that strengthen them in the end. I know that I have things I need to work on, but I do it, one day at a time, and I don't beat myself up for it. If I mess up today, there is always tomorrow.

So, no I'm never going to be the Bishop's wife, but who cares? I just want to get to the point where I attend church every week, is that so much to hope for?

I still have more I could go on about, but I won't. For now...