A couple of days ago I was leaving my parents house and this lady walked by with three of the most adorable baby faced miniature pomeranians. Three words...I WANT ONE.

Can we talk about my new Betsey Johnson purse for a second? You could pick this up at a department store for $348 (not including tax), or....

You could pick it up at TJ Maxx for $140 (that's including tax) like I did.

I also want to talk about these super cute shoes that I'm thinking I need to pick up for the spring/summer...

How patriatic will my feet look in these! I can't wait for all the "day" holidays...you know, Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July day.

Where's my free mumu?

So the January issue of V magazine is featuring a spread where two women model the exact same clothes in the exact same posses, except one is a "standard" model and the other is a "plus" size model. The point is to show that high end fashion can look good on "healthy" women. Kudos for them yada yada yada, but hold the phone, I'm still looking for the plus size model. I see two women, one is very thin and the other is more curvy but I don't see any plus size model. Wait, oh that girl on the right is the plus size model?

HUH....

Um, did I just get called plus sized, because I pretty much look like the model on the right. Did I miss something, because when I walk into Macy's or Nordstrom and grab something from the rack it usually has a little M on the tag. The dress I wore to work today was an 8, so when in the hell did I become plus sized? I know I need to lose around 20 lbs but man, talk about a blow to the self esteem. If I lost the twenty pounds I'd resemble the girl on the left, so I'm confussed. I'm either "emaciated" (which is what the article called the girl on the left) or I'm "healthy" (the word used to describe the plus-sized model on the right.)

I don't know what to think at this point, society has got me so screwed up. With all the EAT THIS, NOT THAT shit and maple syrup/cyan pepper concoctions people are choking down it's a wonder this world is a mess. What has happened to us women? When did we decide that we needed to be cut up, sucked in and barbie doll molded instead of the soft beautiful creatures we are supposed to be. ****SIDE NOTE...IF YOU ARE AN ATHLETE, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, YOU HAVE A TOTAL DIFFERENT MINDSET WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR BODY, SO I FORGIVE YOU FOR HAVING A BETTER SIX PACK THAN MOST OF THE MEN I'VE EVER DATED. YOU DO YOUR THING****

I don't want to say it, but I have to put some blame on Madonna. Her and her damn super yoga intense ridiculous workout regimens at age 50. What the hell are you doing to us Madge???? Look at your arms!!!! It's no wonder Guy Richie left you, shit I worship you and I would leave you if I had to wake up to those arms every morning. Please excuse me while I go pray for forgivness for speaking so ill of the Material Girl herself, even though it's the truth. Take a look for yourself while I'm gone...

.....Okay, I'm back! You understand what I mean by now right? I read an article a few months back and they were interviewing January Jones, who plays Betty Draper in Mad Men. She was saying that she has to be careful how much she works out because the producers like her to look feminine, how most women looked in the 1960's (the era which the show is set.)

Ms. Jones looks awesome, yes she is slender, but that is her body type. She probably couldn't get plump if she tried, God bless her. Speaking of slender, I wish people would use that description instead of skinny. Skinny just seems so crude to me. It's almost the same as calling someone fat. I remember when I was around 11 years old I was friends with this girl. She had a good fifty pounds on me, and seeing that I'm not the most -all together now- slender girls ever that means she was chubby. Her little brother on the other hand was the complete opposite. He was like a bean pole. Well, one day we were all in the car going somewhere and my friend was teasing her brother, calling him skinny boy and chicken legs. He took it for about 5 minutes, asking her to stop, that he didn't appriciate her comments. When she didn't let up he glared at her and said, "Whatever, fat girl."

Oh man did he get in trouble! Her mom got so mad at him, but I never understood why he got in trouble and she didn't. I've never forgotten that incident, and it bothers me that in our society it is less frowned upon to make fun of someone who is underweight than it is to make fun of someone who is overweight. Do people feel that the ones on the smaller end of the scale don't have their own personal body issues? You can't tell me that they don't, everyone does. How do I know that? Because we are all our own biggest critics.

We are harder on ourselves than anyone else. When we start to appriciate and love ourselves even with our flaws, skinny or fat ones, our lives will become much more satisfying. The energy we put out worrying how society views us is ridiculous. I believe we were sent to this earth to receive a body. I can just see Heavenly Father shaking his fist at us for being so judgemental of our bodies. Like if my mom were to buy me an expensive purse and I just threw it on the ground like it's nothing. She probably put a lot of effort into picking out that purse for me, yet when she gives it to me I treat it as if it's not special. Our Heavenly Father gave us our bodies, and he also put much love and consideration into them. So why do we treat them as if they are not special?

I have been slender, I've even been skinny. It was gross. I weigh the most I've ever weighed, but I do not dislike myself. If I laid off the beer I could get rid of my belly I've got going on and I would be completly satisfied. I am healthy, and if society wants to call that plus-sized than so be it. Since that's what they want to call me do I get a free mumu or something? No? Damn, I guess I'll just keep on rocking my regular size M clothes...but I leave you with this quote from Christina Hendricks, who also stars in Mad Men as Joan Holloway.

To all the slender and curvy women I know, you all look foxy to me....I'll see you ladies at the gym, or the bar**wink wink**

Just for fun

Happy New Year!

This has definatly been a tough one, with a lot of events and changes. Things happened that made me take a long hard look at myself and make choices regarding what I want in the future. I'm still not sure what exactly it is that I am trying to achieve, but I am thankful that I am in a position to try and figure it out in my own time. I am truely blessed, and am thankful for so many things in my life. I usually hate to make a list of resolutions, because we are constantly changing throughout the year. But what the hell, why not?

Resolutions for 2010...the year of AMEN

AMEN...when I go to the gym at 5 in the morning again.
AMEN...when I quit swearing like a sailor.
AMEN...when I become slightly more organized.
AMEN...when I help the BFF get MARRIED this year.
AMEN...when I learn when to give up, when I recognize when I can't win.

I hope that the New Year's brings all the things that people are waiting for.

Love and Marrige...what's taking so freaking long guys?

There's been a lot of wedding talk in my world lately. The BFF is on the verge of being the E word...but we won't say that word because if it doesn't happen soon then she just might snap and stab her boyfriend in the jugular. Let's all hope he does it soon to avoid any bloodshed.

BFF's "E" situation has got me thinking, and the other night my friend and I started to discuss the whole length of relationships and whatnot.

Our conclusion was that we feel people just wait too darn long to get engaged/married. The other day I was at work and I asked this guy coworker if he was planning on marrying his girlfriend in the near future. I know that I shouldn't have asked, but I was being nosey, I mean curious...but do you know what this little boy did after I asked him? He looked at me, cocked his head to the side and with a confussed look on his face as if someone had told him that the world had suddenly put a ban on all video games gave me his answer, "Eh, I don't know. I'm not really sure about her."

Excuse me? You're not sure about her? Hmmmm, that's odd, I would have thought that maybe you might have thought about it a little harder in the last three years that you've been living with her. Silly me.

The cold part about this particular situation? He's 23, so yes, he's still super young. He has a right to still want to see what's out there before he settles down with a ball and chain, except for the fact that his potential ball and chain is 28 years old. The definition of 28 being two years until the age of 30.

I told Mr. 23 that he should know by now if he wanted to be with Ms. Almost 30, and that if he wasn't sure at this point in the game then he was wasting her time. I'm not going to lie that I'm a little nervous that he might break-up with her, because if he does then Ms. "Almost 30" might become Ms. "I'm going to kick you're meddling ass for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

But...Mr. 23 is my perfect example of what I'm talking about. It just takes too damn long for men to make an honest woman out of any of us anymore.

My friend that I was discussing this subject with the other night agreed with me. We feel that when you meet someone you should know within a month if you would want to marry someone. After that you should take a year to make sure that your feelings are geniune, and not lust driven. After a year you officially spit on the girl to make her yours by putting a ring on her finger. Depending on whether or not there is a bun in the oven/deportation issues take another good eight months to plan the wedding. Those extra eight months are there for you to get the name of a good attorney if you decide you're having second thoughts, because once you send out those save the dates you better be ready to walk down that asile whether you like it or not. You can get that thing annulled later, better that than having the embarressment of calling it off.

I feel like men and women are waiting around for this unicorn of a perfect mate. I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but unicorns never existed. Move on, find someone you enjoy spending time with that makes you feel good. Once you do that, get married. The worse case senerio is you made a mistake, but that's what divorce is for. And if you're looking for advice on that subject I urge you to read Elizabeth Taylor's autobiography.

What's that saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That's it. This should be tattooed across my forehead when it comes to boys.

It's not that I'm a stupid girl. I don't make dumb decisions on a daily basis. I'm not out on the street corner smoking crack out of a broken lightbulb. So why is it that I can't seem to tell the difference between a guy and a complete douche bag? Wait, that's not even the problem, because I am aware that they are douche bags about thirty seconds into meeting them. The problem is I still continue to get sucked down the rabbit hole into their world of ridiculousness.

I am going to be completly honest. Part of me likes the whole ordeal. I like being treated like shit, because on those rare occassions that he actually is decent it makes it all the more sweet. I use these times, which are few and far between to justify that this guy actually does care for me, he just doesn't know how to express his emotions. Plus I'm a sucker for guys lying to me. In the real world I can spot a liar a mile away, but throw in a few pheromones and a guy could tell me he invented twitter and I would believe him. I'm slightly embarressed by my inability to filter out douche bags. In fact I'm the complete opposite. It's as if I am a magnet that attracks all sorts of losers. I could be in a room filled with 50 available guys. 49 of these guys could be nice, funny genuienly decent human beings, and I will sure enough ignore all of them to spend time with the one asshole in the room.

I look back at the last ten years of my life and all the guys are the same, just with different faces and names. I have played this game so many times that by now I just expect it to not work out in the end.

That's not to say that it still doesn't hurt when it does fall through. That's the part that most people don't get. I think they just see the positive in the fact I'm not wasting time with a loser anymore. But what they don't see is that I was emotionally invested in that person. Loser or not, I cared, and I don't have a switch that can automatically turn off those emotions.

So as I was sitting in pilates tonight, thinking all of this, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. The thought of going through this again was too much for me. I all of a sudden missed him, and I didn't know that I cared that much for him until the moment I knew that it was over. And I knew that it was. There was nothing said, nothing done, I just knew. I wished then and there that I could be enough, that we could work out. I wished that he could actually mean all the things he has said to me. I wished that I could keep him forever. I didn't want to be another face in a sea of girls to him, I wanted him to think of me differently. I wanted him to care, I wanted him to know that I cared.

But it doesn't matter what I want.

What's done is done.

Friends....how many of us have them?

GRRRRR....

You know what erks my nerves more than democrats? People who are ridiculous.

Let me be more specific...

I dislike people who use the term "friend" loosely.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's great to be friends with as many people as you want, the world needs more friends, but I think somewhere down the road people forgot what the the defenition of a friend is.

For those of you who need reminding of the definition of a friend, I went to my trusty Wikipedia to give a perfect description:

Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as the exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors.

To me this is the PERFECT definition, actually the ONLY definition of what a friend is. Everything else is bullshit.

BFF, I'm going to use us as an example...I know you're excited Boo!

The BFF and I have been friends forever. I'm talking over ten years. Yes, we've had our spats, and yes, we are always bickering, but I love her. She is always there for me. I try to always be there for her. She can annoy me like nails on a chalkboard sometimes, and sometimes I look at her and think, "Jesus Christ, you've got to be kidding me." She and I don't always see things the same way. She loves children, and she'll probably ruin her vagina by popping out enough kids to name each one a different day of the week. Me, not so much. I plan on keeping my vagina child free for at least the next ten years. After that, maybe I'll hire a surrogate to carry my bundle of joy/hellraiser. She also is more, hmmm... how should I put this, softer than me. And by that I mean soft hearted. She genuially cares for others more than I do, and therefore cares what others think more than I do. Sometimes I have to say, this gets a little aggrivating. It's like she can't say no sometimes, even though she really wants to. I will say, she has no problem saying no to me though, I wonder what that means....We differ in other areas as well, but we also have a lot in common. That's why we're friends I guess. I'm pretty sure the only way we would stop being friends is if one of us stole the other's boyfriend. Since I'm perpetually single and she is near getting engaged I'm highly doubtful that will occur.

I think people are forgetting that not everyone has to be friends. In fact, I could bet money that most people who consider another person as their friend is wrong. That person is probably just an acquaintance.

So how do you know if someone is your friend or just your acquaintance? Look no further! I have the answers to this mystery.

If you go to lunch how do you pay the bill?
a- you split it 50/50
b- you pay or they pay this time, but the next time you make sure to switch off so you are even.
c- it doesn't matter who pays, because you will eventually both pay for enough of the others meals at one point to make it even.

When something exciting happens in your life like an engagement, promotion, or pregnancy do you...
a- text the person the good news.
b- call the person to tell them the good news
c- the person already knows that the good news might or might not happen so all you need to do is call to confirm either or.

When you look through photographs
a- you have some nice pictures with each other from birthday parties and other events
b- the person is in 80% or more of the pictures.
c- the person is in 80% or more of the pictures and you have too many "self taken" shots with one another.

When you drink too much does this person
a- hear about it sometime in the next week.
b- was with you when you got drunk.
c- held your hair and cleaned up after you when you puked.

When it comes to personnal information do you
a- keep that to yourself
b- tell them if you need advice
c- this person pretty much knows the good, the bad and the ugly.

When it comes to this person's family
a- you know the person's siblings/parents names.
b- you have met the person's siblings/parents and know them by name.
c- you could hang out with the person's siblings/parents without the person there because you know them that well.

If the person broke up with their significant other and the ex tried to hit on you
a- you might flirt back, but wouldn't think of dating them.
b- you would tell the person that their ex is a jerk and tried to hit on you unsuccessfully.
c- the minute the ex hit on you you hit them back, in the mouth.

Communication is key to a friendship, you and this person
a- communicate through texting and phone calls.
b- communicate through texting, phone calls and face to face interaction.
c- communicate through texting, phone calls, face to face interaction and a strange type of telepathy that allows you to know what the other person is thinking based on the way they look and/or speaking.

If you answered mostly a's then I'm sorry to say, you and the person taking my quiz are only acquaintances. Do not be upset, this type of realtionship has the potential for growth into a real friendship, but for now the two of you are not as close as two actual friends.

If you answered mostly b's then congratulations! You and the person taking my quiz are indeed friends. You share common intrests and have a strong bond. Good for you!

If you answered mostly c's then you and the person taking my quiz are BFF's. You do not need to flaunt your friendship to know that it's real, you simply have a person that will stand by you through thick or thin...well, unless you sleep with their significant other. Then all bets are off.

I would like to leave you with the idea that not everyone is meant to be friends. Some personnalities are just not meant to be around one another. This is okay! I'm not saying that if you don't like someone based on their personnality you should be rude to them, I'm just saying that you are better off as acquaintances. So please, let's not smut up the word friend with a bunch of fake friendships. Save that definition for the real deal.