Ok, came across this randomly and thought it was adorable...Sort of got a little verklempt in the end too. Guess I'm not all jaded yet.

For Father's Day I went and hung out with "The Big Chief." i.e. my dad. Why do I call him, The Big Chief? Because many moons ago when I was around five years old my dad told me to do something. When I argued with him and asked why I should have to listen to him he simply responded, "Because I'm the big chief, and you're the little indian." Way to really tell me dad. Let's just say that my liberal mother didn't really let that analogy stick.

You see, my dad is pretty much the human version of Calvin's dad from the Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. It's not that he doesn't know that answers, but sometimes I think he thought that the questions I would ask were ridiculous so he would just go with it. My dad is smart, let's not get any wrong idea's here, it's just that he got stuck with a beautiful, talented awesome kid (moi) that happened to ask a few too many questions.

So anywho...

My dad wants to go to Jamba Juice and the bookstore. So I'm like sure, ok. Then he says that he wants to take the dog. I felt we shouldn't. I told him that I don't think that Mr Darcy is going to be very welcomed in either of those places. But my dad is insistant that we take him, and by this point Mr Darcy has heard that he gets to go and starts getting all worked up and wheezing like a little boy with asthma who didn't get picked dead last for a dodgeball team, so I can't say no now. Basically, the little prince comes with us, and when we get there he refuses to jump out of the car because he knows that I will carry him. So I'm carring 17 pounds of white marshmellow fluff in 100 degree weather, and we walk into Jamba Juice.

"You can't have that dog in here."

"Dude, I'm just reading your menu and then I'm leaving."

No response, turns and walks to the back.

I think this is the first time in history that this dog has been rejected. I honestly have took him into numerous establishments, and never once had anyone say anything other than, "OMG!!! THAT IS THE CUTEST DOG EVER!!!" Seriously, I think about buying a bus and traveling around the country with him to promote friendship and goodwill. It's like he shits joy. People can't get enough of him. I mean look at him...who wouldn't love this guy?

But whatever, so I'm outside drinking death in a cup for diabetics with my dad. We decide to head to the book store so he can get a book about something Civil War related. My dad is totally pro American, so I think that the Civil War is his favorite war because it was America against America. No matter what America was always winning.

Again, I am carrying the dog.

We walk in, and my dad finds the book in about 2.5 seconds, goes to the register and starts to buy the book. The little 19 year old Asian girl makes the mistake of asking him what his phone number is.

Dad "Why the Hell do you need to know that?"

Me "It's to see if you have a rewards card dad, it's not for Big Brother."

19 year old Asian girl "Um, well, for health code purposes you can't have the dog in here."

Me "He's my guide dog."

19 year old Asian girl "Oh...ok."

Dad "What did she just ask?" (have I mentioned my dad has really bad hearing? He does.)

Me silence...

Dad "Is she serious? I'm buying the freaking book and she says something now?"

Me "dad, it's fine."

Dad "that is retarded."

19 year old Asian girl silence...fear in her eyes.

Me "DAD!"

We leave with my dad ranting a little. I remind him that I told him we shouldn't have brought the dog with us. He insists that he takes him everywhere and never has a problem. I express the fact that the two places we tried to go today both told us to go to Hell with our little puppy, but that he doesn't need to be so cranky and that he almost made the little Asian girl cry and is that what he wants?

He response, "Yes"

Love you dad, you're the crankiest Big Chief I know, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

 

So, I had a dream that Kate Gosselin died the other night. It was a very realistic dream too. I remember that in it I was thinking, "Oh man, those poor kids have to be raised by their douche bag dad now...bummer."

It was also one of those dreams where I didn't think about it when I woke up, but then the next morning as I was reading my E News Daily via my phone I saw something about Kate Gosselin and her performance on the last episode of DWTS. (for those of you unfamiliar, that stands for Dancing with the Stars, which is a ridiculously corny concept that actually became a major success. Weird.) So I see this article and am like, "Oh shit! She's NOT dead." I actually totally thought she was dead. I mean, I was actually confussed for a second there like, wait a minute...didn't she die? Then I felt this wave of relief that she was alive, which lasted for about 5 seconds, and was immediatly replaced with a feeling of ughhhhh, because then I was thinking, "Oh man, those poor kids have to be raised by their douche bag mom now...bummer"

Seriously, it's gotten a little ridiculous. I don't know how this woman has managed to stay in the spotlight for so long. How is she even on DWTS? She's not a star, she's a lady. A lady who happened to house six babies in her uterus at one time. I don't care about her. And I really don't care about whether or not she learns how to cha cha cha.

I don't watch the show regularly, but I happened to stop by my mom's house the other night (Why do I do that?!?! I always say, "I'm going to my mom's" or "I'm headed to my dad's" No wonder everyone thinks my parents are divorced...I act like the two don't even live together.) But anyway, I was over at MY PARENTS house, and my mom loves the show, so I watched it with her. I love that America voted off Buzz Aldrin, a war hero and the second man to walk on the moon, yet they vote to keep Kate Gosslin. Seriously, there is something wrong with our society.

You know who I would want to see on that show? Remember the guy who played Jake in the movie Sixteen Candles? You know, the guy Molly Ringwald's character had a crush on, and then he shows up at her sister's wedding and gives her a birthday cake...you know who I am talking about. Where did he ever even go anyway? He was adorable. ABC, go find him, then I'll watch your show.

So....this weekend we went to go get sushi. I say we should try this place called Rock n Roll Sushi.

Sounds like a cool place, right?

Wrong.

Rock n Roll Sushi was not rocking, and it definatly wasn't rolling any sushi because get this....

5 minutes after the waitress takes our order she comes back to the table and says,

"we ran out of fish, so as of this moment we don't have anymore fish."

Say what?!?

Letter to parents

Think of this as a small PSA.

Parents of small children, please PLEASE understand that even though your child might be cute and adorable in your eyes does not mean that I am smitten by them. I do not know all the cute things they say and all the fun tricks that you have taught them to perform. I only know what I see, and I do not like it.

I do not like going to a store and having you push a cart that is empty except for the fact that you have three children piled in it. Do not walk down the shoe asile in TJ Maxx and expect me to move. I was there first, wait until I leave, or go around me the other way.

I do not enjoy hearing your child scream at a decibel so high that it makes me want to stab out my eardrums to make the noise stop. I will get a disgusted look on my face and tell your child to be quiet. If you don't like it, boo-hoo...tell you're kid to shut up.

When I am standing in line at Starbucks I don't want your children running around me like I'm the mulberry bush. I also do not like them standing close enough to me that if I move a half an inch they will be touching me. I don't like children bumping into me. I don't know if they have been bathed lately and if or if not they have been rolling around in dirt, or if they are infected with lice.

I do not want to have to manuver around your stroller/mini cooper (because that is the size of strollers these days.)

The only public place I will give your child a break is the grocery store. People need food to survive. Other than that, if you have a noisey or dirty child, leave them at home. No babysitter? Stay home with them, give them a bath and teach them how to be quiet. Maybe even throw in some sign language, they less I hear the better.

Shout out to all my parents that keep their kids in check. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Ana, Jackie, Dena, Jeanette, and I'm sure there are others I can't think of at the moment. Next time I see your kids, they're all getting a quarter for behaving.

Because apparently I've been "lagging"

I don't really have much to share at the moment. I apologize that my life might seem boring. I promise you it is not, but like my mother would say, I don't like to air out my dirty laundry in public. I keep certain things to myself. Besides, a little mystery never hurt anyone right? So instead, tonight you will get a hodgepodge of my thoughts over the last month or so.

First off...

The State of the Union/ the President/Chris Matthews/Sarah Palin/whatever else comes to my mind on this subject.

Ok, so I didn't vote for our current president. I know, big surprise. I'll give you a minute to process that.

Le Sigh...

When Obama was elected I was furious. Not at him, but at my counrty. I felt annoyed as someone who has been involved with politics and had trecked my ass to the voting booths for years, be bombarded by people who have never cared suddenly feel the urge to pick up a ballot and check a man's name without really knowing anything about his platform. In this last local election I would bet a million greek dollars that those same people didn't even know who was running for city council. I am angry at the way this county treats this man, who has yet to do anything but talk a lot. I am angry that this man's vice president, who is such a douche bag had the nerve to say that the Iraq War is going to be, "One of Obama's greatest achivements." Excuse me? You make me want to punch you repeatedly in the jugular Mr. Biden. Are you retarded???


I am very optimistic about -- about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration. You're going to see 90,000 American troops come marching home by the end of the summer. You're going to see a stable government in Iraq that is actually moving toward a representative government. 

The status of forces agreement with Iraq that negotiated the troop withdrawl that Biden is referencing was done by the Republican Bush administration.

Both Obama and Biden were against more U.S. troops being sent out in 2007, which is credited for helping create the stability that  is needed for U.S. troops to leave Iraq. In fact both Obama and Biden felt that sending more troops in '07 would hinder not help the effort in Iraq, yet they were wrong and are now taking credit for what the Bush administration put together. Interesting.

By the way, how's everyone's free health care going? Right...

I didn't watch the State of the Union. I didn't want to throw up in my mouth or get angry and throw my remote control at the wall. I'm trying to be less aggressive. So what pissed me off about the State of the Union is what MSNBC commintator Chris Matthews said about it. He said he was so moved or whatever by The President's speech that he, "forgot Obama was black."

So inapproproite. Yet this man still has a job, but again, I would bet a million greek dollars that if Bill O'Reilly had said the same EXACT thing, with the same EXACT explanation of why he said it people would be screaming for his head on a platter. I call bullshit.

On to Sarah Palin. I just love her. She is the cutest thing since sliced bread. I just wish she'd hire a speech coach. And when I mean speech coach I mean someone to help her get ride of that damn Alaskan accent she has. It's fucking annoying. Do I think she'll ever be president? No, but I still have mad love for her. And Press Secretary Gibbs is a jerk for making fun of my girl and her notes written on her hand. I do that all the time dude, and that just proves that Sarah is a multitasker like moi. Sometimes when inspiration comes to you there isn't time to look for a piece of scratch paper.

Can we talk about Anderson Cooper for just a second? Why does he have to be gay?!? The fact that he will neither deny or confirm this as fact leaves me a small thread of hope to cling to, because even in all his liberalness he is my soul mate.

Next subject....

Super bowl commercials



I really liked this one. I felt it was really a nice message of making the right decision for you. As GOP as I am I am pro-choice. That's what this whole life is about. Making choices. When we take that away from people than we are no better than Castro and Cuba. Part of making that choice is getting to see both sides of the picture, I think that this commercial did a good job of sharing one woman's decision. For some reason feminists around the nation felt this was an example of violence againt women. To the women who are complaining about this one, SHUT UP.



All I can say about this one is that I thank Baby Jesus every night that we don't live in a world like the one depicted in this commerical. Nuff said.





I heart Betty White!!!! Golden Girl fan for Life!!!!

On the same note, I am so glad that the Super Bowl is over...I don't like football. Viva La Red Sox!!!

I also noticed something as of late. When did the music I listened to as a teenager become retro? I was driving somewhere and the radio said it was retro in the metro and then procceded to play a song that came out when I was a senior in high school. Erroneous!!!!

A song that came out when I was a senior in high school is not "retro"

A song that came out when my parents where seniors in high school is.

I feel bad for this new generation though. When I was in middle school and high school we had good music. All around the board too. We had Weezer and Smashing Pumpkins and Tupac and Biggie and Mac Dre. What does this generation have? Retards that take songs from when I was young and remix them until you can barely recognize it and say to yourself, "hey! is that Tom Petty's Freefalling as the hook for this hip hop song???" It's bullshit.

Which brings me to John Mayer.

Dude, what's wrong with you? You are actually a gifted artist, that cranks out songs I can actually sing along with. You are pretty smokin' hot, and you totally were boning Jennifer Aniston. You're life seems pretty awesome so why, WHY do you say stoopid things?

Celeberty rule of thumb...never EVER say the N word in an interview.

Life rule of thumb...never EVER say the N word in an interview.

It's just not cool.

You are retarded John Mayer.

This concludes my rant for the evening. I hope you all enjoyed it, I know I did.