Confessions of an HCB

I just got home from getting my hair sewn in. Yes, I just said sewn in. My hair is about five inches longer than it was three hours ago. I'm not alone in this. I have a handful of my friends that also sit in a chair while someone literally takes a needle and thread and adds more hair to their head. It isn't cheap either, the hair costs between $500-$1000, and it costs over $100 to have it sewn in, which needs to be done every six weeks. Lucky for me, my hairstylist is a personnal friend (and by Saturday will be my new roomate!!) so I get hooked up.

But the truth is, us women- well at least us high maintenance ones- spend a crap load of money to look the way we do. Let's review what the average HCB (high class broad) spends on trying to get perfection.

I already mentioned the hair. I'll explain it a little more. Basically, your hair is parted in sections and your stylist braids two cornrows horizontally across your head and then sews in the row(s) of hair depending on how much thickness you need. But lets be honest, if you are someone that has extensions, you probably have your hair colored as well. Let's use me as an example. If I paid for all my services, I would be looking at around at least $200 a month.

Moving along, we can't have our nails looking like we're peasants working the fields. I do not have acrylic nails, but if you do, and you want a good job it's about $35 for a fill. You usually get them filled twice a month. I have short nails, but I get a manicure twice a week, and in between that I touch them up myself. 90% of the time I have red nail polish on, so long nails are not an option for me, unless I want to look like a stripper from Daytona. My manicure is $15, but why stop there? You might as well get a pedicure as well. That will set you back another $35. I get that done about twice a month as well. On a side note; I just had the WORST pedicure Saturday. I went with the BFF, and we both sat down at the same time, but she was getting hers done and I was sitting around with my feet in water waiting. While I was waiting one of the jet filters fell off and the lady that was doing BFF's servcie started to try and fix it. I guess she didn't want to try too hard, because she instead left it alone making a horrible sucking noise, and told me to keep my foot away from it. I of course am scared that I'm going to forget about it and let my foot wander over to the vortex and get it sucked in and chopped to pieces. Finally my lady came and fixed it, and started, as BFF was getting finished. SUCKED.

Our next subject is the hair we get removed. Yes, us HCBs are a little crazy. We pay money to have hair added certain places, and money to have hair removed other places. I only get my brows done, because fortunatly having my esthetician license helps in my self waxing. So I'm only looking at $20 every two weeks, but if we added in what I do at home myself we'd be in the hundreds of dollars catagory. A lot of girls do the whole brazilian thing, including myself. If you go to a salon it's about $65, and you usually want to go every six weeks. If you're wondering if it hurts, yes it does. Try doing it on yourself. I'll paint you a picture- me, a vicodin, and a bottle of Jameson is how I get through it. If you really want to get rid of unwanted hair, you could always go the laser hair removal way, which starts at about $150 a session, and it usually takes about five sessions to kill the hair. You do the math.

Exhibit D: our products. I'm talking makeup, hair, lotion and all the yummy smelling stuff in between. My product for my face is $35 a bottle, and I need three different things to complete the process. So that's about $100 every two months, maybe a little longer if I'm lucky. As for HCB's makeup selections? We're talking more Dior than drugstore on that matter. HCB's feel that if you're putting it on your face it better be high quality. We have at least 30 different MAC eye shadows...and not only do we own these shadows, we KNOW the names of all of them. If I was on the phone with another HCB and asked her what colors she was wearing she would tell me something along the lines of, "trax with mythology and rice paper." And being an HCB myself, I would know exactly what colors she was wearing. Impressed? I know...
We also always like to smell good. Not just good, but expensive. I'm talking Burberry, Chanel, Vera Wang, Gucci, Dior, Mark Jacobs...the list goes on. I have an HCB friend who came over after a trip to the mall and showed me her two perfumes she had purchased. She flipped her hair and told me, "I couldn't decide so I got them both."
Our hair products are crucial as well. We have more than one type of hairspray. We have products to make our hair staright. We have products to make our hair curly. We have products to make our hair stay up, and products to keep it down. We have pins and bands and brushes. And the combs! We have combs coming out of our ears. We ALWAYS have a rat comb with us. Our hair can be big our small, the possiblities are endless. We have shampoo and more than one type of conditioner. Again, thank the Lord for my license allowing me to buy products at the beauty supply store.

We tan, and we use special lotion for the tanning booth. I am personnaly thankful that most HCBs and myself usually take the winter off from tanning. I mean, lets be real, how high maintance can we get?!? Please don't answer that question, it was meant to be rhetorical. If we must be tan for an event in the colder months we usually opt for the spray tan, which lasts about a week. Another $40 please and thank you.

We accessorize. I think HCBs like accessorizing more than buying clothes. Some of us have our staple accessories, like me and my coke can hoop earings. (meaning my hoops are as big as a coke can is round) 9 chances out of 10 I am wearing them, But other than that we have rings and bracelets and scarves and pins and shoes...oh the SHOES!!! I probably own five pairs of black pumps, but I will always buy another pair. It's like I can never have too many. Plus all of my other shoes. Some girls have babies, I have shoes.

I'm guilty as charged with being an HCB. With the hair, the products, the nails, tanning, the yummy colorful stuff and the accessories we're looking at a lot of money. All to look my best. So why is it that I feel the best when I'm plain faced and hair in a ponytail smelling like soap and wearing my ugg boots?