My dad and I went to the State Fair, we like to go every year together to partake in all the sight-seeing and eating. What I mean is, we like to look at all the info-mertial like booths and eat fat on a stick. Why else would we go to the Trashy People Mecca of California?

While we were looking at the booths we passed the Democatic Party Booth. They had a cutout of Obama. My dad and I almost peed our pants, and I told my dad to stand next to him so I could get a picture. My dad gave me his blackberry, and I took one, and it came out all blurry like the photos in that movie The Ring when someone is going to die, then I took another one and the same thing happend. Well, my dad didn't want to wait around for a third try and frankly neither did I. I was worried that someone might mistake us for actual Obama supporters. So we went on our way. About 5 minutes later we landed ourselves at the Republican Party Booth....f the democrat donkey booth, ours had TWO lifesize cutouts. One of Ronald Reagan, who everyone knows is my all-time favorite president ever, and the other one of Sarah Palin. So we decided to put my dad in the middle of them and try again with the picture. This one turned out great, but I couldn't help but laugh because even though I am 90% Republican, my dad, Mr GOP himself looked as if he was actually taking a picture with the REAL Palin and Reagan. Bless his heart, but more importantly, God Bless the United States of America.

Oh shit....I think I'm addicted to EBAY.

Damn it!!

End Online » Guy Claims He Is In Twilight

End Online » Guy Claims He Is In Twilight

Video Killed the Radio Star

Ok, so I wasn't going to talk about this because frankly I'm slightly embarrassed that I did this, but eh, who am I kidding? I do a lot of embarrassing things.

I called into a radio station this morning.

There, I said it...I know so dumb right?

WRONG

****WARNING!!! I AM ABOUT TO GET ON MY SOAPBOX SOON. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME FROM OH SO HIGH ON MY LOVELY SOAPBOX THAN JUST GO WATCH THE LINK OF THE HARRY POTTER PREVIEW AGAIN AND STOP READING NOW.****

I swear I am not the type to usually do something like this, but I could not help it. It all started with me getting into my car at 7:30am to drive in traffic for an hour just to get to work. I usually listen to Sarah and Vinnie in the morning because they are awesome, but this morning my radio was already on another station when I got into the car so I got sucked in. But seriously, listen to Sarah and Vinnie, 97.3...so funny!

I guess this station does confession thursday or something but they had this 20 year old guy on the show who said that he lied to women about being an extra in the movie Twilight and that he had basically nailed 3 chicks and (in his own words) "A Twilight Mom" But then the Twilight Mom calls in! Her name is Nancy and she says that she's pretty sure she's the mom he is refering to because how many other guys in the Sacramento area are out there claiming to be an extra in the Twilight movie? My guess, I'd say none before today, but probably a good handful now that this guy was on the radio talking about his lame way of getting laid.

So Nancy goes on to say that she feels "sick to her stomach" and is "pissed" that this little douche bag lied to her. She explains that she had met the guy through her daughter, and that she was 40 years old.

This is when I get irritated enough to reach for my phone. I was risking a cell phone ticket for driving while talking on the phone to comment on this dumb broad, that's how upset I was!

I didn't say too much on the actual radio, I'm trying to calm it down a bit. First I will tell you what my conversation was like on-air and then I will go on into more detail about how I really feel about Nancy, and as I go to sleep tonight I will pray that somehow Nancy finds my blog and actually reads what I have to say about her pathetic ass.

Ok, so basically what I said on the air was that I thought Nancy was not cool, that she is a mom and how gross is she. Her daughter introduced her to the guy, and that my mom would never do anything like that (I also, when told what the defenition of a virgin was at five years old was shocked to find out that my mother was not one. Go figure, but she swears that is the day that I removed her from her pedestal) I also said that if some guy came up to me and used that he was and extra in Twilight as a pick up line I would be like, "who really gives a shit?" I called her pathetic.

What I really wanted to say, but didn't want to be too much of an asshole on the radio is that Nancy is a great example of what is wrong with our society today.

I am dead serious.

Look, before I go on, I am aware that there are women who end up with younger men. I am not judging dating a younger guy, as much as I am judging giving away your vagina for free because a guy, who probably banged your daughter with the same line, told you some crazy bullshit story.

Now I will continue.

IF I WERE NANCY this shit would have never went down. I don't give a damn if Robert Pattinson himself came up to me, you don't just do that! I know that 99% of us have in the past made stupid mistakes, but you learn from them, and by the age of 40 I hope to hell that you will have learned the lesson by then. Especially if you are a mother. Come on, be a grown up.

Nancy, you are a pathetic loser. These are your rules to follow from now on when it comes to your vagina.

1. You are not allowed to bone your daughter's friends, aqaintances, co-worker etc.
2. You are not allowed to be in the same catagory as STOOOPID young girls who fall for pickup lines from douchebags.
3. You are not allowed to show your vagina to anyone who is not old enough to purchase alchohol.

Nancy you are guilty of all these offenses. What do you have to say for yourself? For your punishment you must do the following:

• delete any myspace or facebook page you may have.
• you must stop treating your daughter like she is your friend.
• you are not allowed to wear anything that reads BEBE across the chest or JUICY across the butt.

That last rule should really apply to everyone...

Nancy, do you realize that slutty people like you and possibly your daughter are the reason that women like me have to work a million times harder to have men respect us and not just try to get into our pants? Do you realize that everytime you casually give up your vagina you are validating to all men out there that all of us women will do the same? And why are you going to get mad at this guy for tricking you? That's what guys do! They try to get some whenever they can. When I was 13 my dad had a "sex" talk with me. It was about thiry seconds long. Do you know what he said? "Guys think about sex all the time. Guys are ready to have sex all the time. If the wind blows, they're ready."

I didn't really understand what he meant at the time, but I figured it out pretty quick. Nancy, my dad is correct. If you and all the other vagina giver-outers would stop being so quick to give out the goods men would have to try harder, they would have to actually get to know a woman before she shared. Stop allowing men to behave this way ladies, and maybe they will stop making up lame ass ways to try and get some.

And by the way, I think that this stations morning show is cool too now.

It's finally that time again!!!!

I love, love LOVE Harry Potter, and the last book was spectacular. I am so excited to see it come to life on film, and am also thrilled that they have broken it into two movies. For one reason, it gives me another movie to look forward to, but mostly because there is entirely too much going on to shorten it into one. So kudos to the studio heads on making that decision. The first part will be in theaters November of this year, and the second will be in July of 2011.

Ok, came across this randomly and thought it was adorable...Sort of got a little verklempt in the end too. Guess I'm not all jaded yet.

For Father's Day I went and hung out with "The Big Chief." i.e. my dad. Why do I call him, The Big Chief? Because many moons ago when I was around five years old my dad told me to do something. When I argued with him and asked why I should have to listen to him he simply responded, "Because I'm the big chief, and you're the little indian." Way to really tell me dad. Let's just say that my liberal mother didn't really let that analogy stick.

You see, my dad is pretty much the human version of Calvin's dad from the Calvin and Hobbes cartoons. It's not that he doesn't know that answers, but sometimes I think he thought that the questions I would ask were ridiculous so he would just go with it. My dad is smart, let's not get any wrong idea's here, it's just that he got stuck with a beautiful, talented awesome kid (moi) that happened to ask a few too many questions.

So anywho...

My dad wants to go to Jamba Juice and the bookstore. So I'm like sure, ok. Then he says that he wants to take the dog. I felt we shouldn't. I told him that I don't think that Mr Darcy is going to be very welcomed in either of those places. But my dad is insistant that we take him, and by this point Mr Darcy has heard that he gets to go and starts getting all worked up and wheezing like a little boy with asthma who didn't get picked dead last for a dodgeball team, so I can't say no now. Basically, the little prince comes with us, and when we get there he refuses to jump out of the car because he knows that I will carry him. So I'm carring 17 pounds of white marshmellow fluff in 100 degree weather, and we walk into Jamba Juice.

"You can't have that dog in here."

"Dude, I'm just reading your menu and then I'm leaving."

No response, turns and walks to the back.

I think this is the first time in history that this dog has been rejected. I honestly have took him into numerous establishments, and never once had anyone say anything other than, "OMG!!! THAT IS THE CUTEST DOG EVER!!!" Seriously, I think about buying a bus and traveling around the country with him to promote friendship and goodwill. It's like he shits joy. People can't get enough of him. I mean look at him...who wouldn't love this guy?

But whatever, so I'm outside drinking death in a cup for diabetics with my dad. We decide to head to the book store so he can get a book about something Civil War related. My dad is totally pro American, so I think that the Civil War is his favorite war because it was America against America. No matter what America was always winning.

Again, I am carrying the dog.

We walk in, and my dad finds the book in about 2.5 seconds, goes to the register and starts to buy the book. The little 19 year old Asian girl makes the mistake of asking him what his phone number is.

Dad "Why the Hell do you need to know that?"

Me "It's to see if you have a rewards card dad, it's not for Big Brother."

19 year old Asian girl "Um, well, for health code purposes you can't have the dog in here."

Me "He's my guide dog."

19 year old Asian girl "Oh...ok."

Dad "What did she just ask?" (have I mentioned my dad has really bad hearing? He does.)

Me silence...

Dad "Is she serious? I'm buying the freaking book and she says something now?"

Me "dad, it's fine."

Dad "that is retarded."

19 year old Asian girl silence...fear in her eyes.

Me "DAD!"

We leave with my dad ranting a little. I remind him that I told him we shouldn't have brought the dog with us. He insists that he takes him everywhere and never has a problem. I express the fact that the two places we tried to go today both told us to go to Hell with our little puppy, but that he doesn't need to be so cranky and that he almost made the little Asian girl cry and is that what he wants?

He response, "Yes"

Love you dad, you're the crankiest Big Chief I know, but I wouldn't want it any other way.