I find it amusing that I always feel the most blessed when my life is in more of a low point, when things aren't necessarily going how I'd like them to.

But maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe when we need to remember the most, we really think about all the things that we should be thankful for.

I feel slightly silly for having so much and taking it for granted, so tonight I am counting my blessings. I might not be able to change the way that people perceive certain things, but I can continually work on ways to walk the path that I believe is true. I can try harder to lead by example, silently. I can smile hoping that might slightly crack other's harden hearts.

I can work hard for the things that I want. I can sigh a deep breath that I know what it is I want to work hard for. I can sleep easily knowing that I can change my mind if I want to.

I can be reminded that everyone makes mistakes, even me. I can remember how it feels when I do make a mistake and have compassion for other's and their own faults.

I am allowed to love, even if what I love hurts me. I am allowed to find a love that loves me back. It is entirely my choice.

I can make the memories today that will bring a smile to my face 50 years from now.

In 24 hours I'll be in the most awesome, awful, beautiful, nasty, spectacular place on earth. That's right, I'll be in Vegas with some of the craziest girls I know.

I'm pretty much crushing on Michael Cera right now...

**sigh**

After living with little Gilda for a few years I've come to realize that the cartoons kids have today suck. Here's a throwback to some of the cartoons I used to love, love love! Anyone remember...

A couple of days ago I was leaving my parents house and this lady walked by with three of the most adorable baby faced miniature pomeranians. Three words...I WANT ONE.

Can we talk about my new Betsey Johnson purse for a second? You could pick this up at a department store for $348 (not including tax), or....

You could pick it up at TJ Maxx for $140 (that's including tax) like I did.

I also want to talk about these super cute shoes that I'm thinking I need to pick up for the spring/summer...

How patriatic will my feet look in these! I can't wait for all the "day" holidays...you know, Memorial Day, Labor Day, 4th of July day.

Where's my free mumu?

So the January issue of V magazine is featuring a spread where two women model the exact same clothes in the exact same posses, except one is a "standard" model and the other is a "plus" size model. The point is to show that high end fashion can look good on "healthy" women. Kudos for them yada yada yada, but hold the phone, I'm still looking for the plus size model. I see two women, one is very thin and the other is more curvy but I don't see any plus size model. Wait, oh that girl on the right is the plus size model?

HUH....

Um, did I just get called plus sized, because I pretty much look like the model on the right. Did I miss something, because when I walk into Macy's or Nordstrom and grab something from the rack it usually has a little M on the tag. The dress I wore to work today was an 8, so when in the hell did I become plus sized? I know I need to lose around 20 lbs but man, talk about a blow to the self esteem. If I lost the twenty pounds I'd resemble the girl on the left, so I'm confussed. I'm either "emaciated" (which is what the article called the girl on the left) or I'm "healthy" (the word used to describe the plus-sized model on the right.)

I don't know what to think at this point, society has got me so screwed up. With all the EAT THIS, NOT THAT shit and maple syrup/cyan pepper concoctions people are choking down it's a wonder this world is a mess. What has happened to us women? When did we decide that we needed to be cut up, sucked in and barbie doll molded instead of the soft beautiful creatures we are supposed to be. ****SIDE NOTE...IF YOU ARE AN ATHLETE, DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, YOU HAVE A TOTAL DIFFERENT MINDSET WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR BODY, SO I FORGIVE YOU FOR HAVING A BETTER SIX PACK THAN MOST OF THE MEN I'VE EVER DATED. YOU DO YOUR THING****

I don't want to say it, but I have to put some blame on Madonna. Her and her damn super yoga intense ridiculous workout regimens at age 50. What the hell are you doing to us Madge???? Look at your arms!!!! It's no wonder Guy Richie left you, shit I worship you and I would leave you if I had to wake up to those arms every morning. Please excuse me while I go pray for forgivness for speaking so ill of the Material Girl herself, even though it's the truth. Take a look for yourself while I'm gone...

.....Okay, I'm back! You understand what I mean by now right? I read an article a few months back and they were interviewing January Jones, who plays Betty Draper in Mad Men. She was saying that she has to be careful how much she works out because the producers like her to look feminine, how most women looked in the 1960's (the era which the show is set.)

Ms. Jones looks awesome, yes she is slender, but that is her body type. She probably couldn't get plump if she tried, God bless her. Speaking of slender, I wish people would use that description instead of skinny. Skinny just seems so crude to me. It's almost the same as calling someone fat. I remember when I was around 11 years old I was friends with this girl. She had a good fifty pounds on me, and seeing that I'm not the most -all together now- slender girls ever that means she was chubby. Her little brother on the other hand was the complete opposite. He was like a bean pole. Well, one day we were all in the car going somewhere and my friend was teasing her brother, calling him skinny boy and chicken legs. He took it for about 5 minutes, asking her to stop, that he didn't appriciate her comments. When she didn't let up he glared at her and said, "Whatever, fat girl."

Oh man did he get in trouble! Her mom got so mad at him, but I never understood why he got in trouble and she didn't. I've never forgotten that incident, and it bothers me that in our society it is less frowned upon to make fun of someone who is underweight than it is to make fun of someone who is overweight. Do people feel that the ones on the smaller end of the scale don't have their own personal body issues? You can't tell me that they don't, everyone does. How do I know that? Because we are all our own biggest critics.

We are harder on ourselves than anyone else. When we start to appriciate and love ourselves even with our flaws, skinny or fat ones, our lives will become much more satisfying. The energy we put out worrying how society views us is ridiculous. I believe we were sent to this earth to receive a body. I can just see Heavenly Father shaking his fist at us for being so judgemental of our bodies. Like if my mom were to buy me an expensive purse and I just threw it on the ground like it's nothing. She probably put a lot of effort into picking out that purse for me, yet when she gives it to me I treat it as if it's not special. Our Heavenly Father gave us our bodies, and he also put much love and consideration into them. So why do we treat them as if they are not special?

I have been slender, I've even been skinny. It was gross. I weigh the most I've ever weighed, but I do not dislike myself. If I laid off the beer I could get rid of my belly I've got going on and I would be completly satisfied. I am healthy, and if society wants to call that plus-sized than so be it. Since that's what they want to call me do I get a free mumu or something? No? Damn, I guess I'll just keep on rocking my regular size M clothes...but I leave you with this quote from Christina Hendricks, who also stars in Mad Men as Joan Holloway.

To all the slender and curvy women I know, you all look foxy to me....I'll see you ladies at the gym, or the bar**wink wink**